Trust is the foundation of every healthy marriage. It should guide every aspect of your relationship – routines, shared goals, and even finances. That's why talking to your spouse about money is crucial in sustaining a marriage.
Money issues are natural in relationships. Money influences almost every significant moment of your married life. It starts before actually, such as talking about who pays for what in your wedding, how much the budget should be for the wedding dress, the caterers, the venue, etc. Eventually, you'll buy a home, put your children to school, and plan a family vacation. You'll make little to massive financial decisions for life.
Throughout your shared journey, what you need above all else is constant communication. How you talk about money with your spouse can set the right tone for the rest of your relationship and foster trust and mutual respect.
Impact of finances on relationships
Money is not a trivial aspect of married life, whatever your economic status. It’s not always about lack of money – sometimes it’s about what to do with the money you have. It may not be romantic, but spending the rest of your life with someone means facing the harsh realities of everyday life with them.
Here are some of the most common "money talks" you'll have with your partner.
- Household budget allocations
Arguments between married couples may stem from differences in distributing the household budget. You might value saving for retirement or building a college fund for the children, while your spouse may prioritize moving to a bigger house or family travels. This mismatch could lead to conflict or even resentment that could linger for years if left unaddressed.
- Share of expenses
Splitting the bill could also be a hot-button issue. Some may feel overburdened by their share of the expenses and feel their situation is unfair.
Other times, a spouse not contributing as much money-wise could feel inadequate. They may be unable to shoulder the expenses due to unemployment, business problems, or not making as much money as their spouse.
- Debts
Owing a large sum of money can lead to some fights, especially if one of you discovers the debt too late. Large debts can significantly impact your finances and could put a dent in your savings.
- Savings management
Having enough money saved doesn’t make you immune to financial issues. Even excess income could lead to disagreements. What are you going to do? Should you invest it? Where? Should you open a term deposit account? Should you set it aside as an emergency fund? Should you start saving for your kids’ college fund?
Benefits of having a money conversation
Open communication with your spouse can mitigate most of these financial issues – especially if you raise the topic early in the relationship.
Make a consistent effort to be transparent with your spouse regarding money matters. Your assets are technically conjugal property, so take this to heart when making financial decisions. Work as a team with a common goal, not only to avoid conflict but also to avoid further financial problems.
Bringing up financial issues should not be treated as taboo. Some Filipino families consider it impolite or crude to bring up money matters, but leaving things unspoken could lead to worse problems. Learn to be more comfortable with these conversations since they promote better fiscal responsibility among families and may save marriages.
Tips on how to talk to your spouse about money without fighting
- Listen to your spouse
This may sound too simple, but many married couples forget to do this. While in the middle of a money-related argument, many people tend to get so absorbed with their issues that they fail to listen and understand their spouse’s point of view.
Instead of focusing on your differences, you should settle on something you agree on. Use that as your foundation for your further discussions. For example, if you agree to prioritize your children’s tuition, then it’s easier to make compromises knowing that you are united in your priorities.
- Choose the right place and time
Where and when you talk about your money issues also matters. Avoid raising financial questions during extremely busy or stressful situations. Don’t talk about money while you're doing chores, in the middle of work, running errands, or in front of your children.
Discuss your finances during your downtime and ideally in private. Pick a time and place when you’re both relaxed; maybe during your morning walk, while driving leisurely for date night, or while sitting on the couch during the weekend, just passing the time. These are the moments when you’re not distracted by the hustle and bustle, and you can think, speak, and listen clearly.
Don’t worry. You won't ruin your rare quiet moments together. If you both accept that money is important, there’s no reason to break from your relaxed mood while discussing your finances.
- Delineate your financial responsibilities
One of the most important conversations you can have as a couple is figuring out who pays for what. There should be a clear delineation of the expenses that each spouse will have to shoulder. If you establish this from the start, then you can avoid many arguments down the line.
Have this conversation when someone experiences a career shift. Maybe you got a promotion or a higher-paying job at another company. Maybe your partner got laid off at work. You must understand the other party’s situation and be willing to step up when the other is struggling financially.
Remember, you’re a team. You have to cover for each other. It’s not his money or her money – it’s the family’s money. If you trust one another, that’s all that matters.
- Align your long-term goals
Another foundational matter to agree on is your long-term financial goals. Aligning your financial future provides solid ground for resolving day-to-day money issues. It's easier to handle small bumps when you focus on the bigger picture.
Start by developing a family preparedness plan together. Should you set up a college fund for the kids? How much should you save for emergencies? Should you invest in insurance? What is your target for post-retirement savings, and how will you reach it?
Answering these questions gives you solid footing and prevents you from straying too far. If one feels the urge to make a big purchase, the other can remind them of your kid’s plan to go to law school. Got a big inheritance? Maybe you can pay off that home loan and be free of monthly payments. Decisions are simpler when you have an agreed direction.
- Avoid finance-related secrets
Earned some extra money? Maybe a surprise bonus from work or even lottery winnings? It might be tempting to keep it from your spouse and treat yourself. But how can you hide a large sum without leading a double life?
The rule of thumb for married couples, especially with money, is simple: when in doubt, don’t keep it a secret! If you trust your significant other, you can decide together how to use the money effectively. You earn as a team, you lose as a team, for better or worse, for richer or poorer.
Don't beat around the bush when it comes to money
It’s okay to talk about money if you’re in a loving and trusting marriage. Not only will these conversations make your relationship stronger, but they will also lead to a better financial future for your family. Just make sure you discuss it with mutual respect and a deep understanding that you're on the same team.
When it comes to securing your family’s future, Chinabank has all the options you may need. From savings and investments, to credit cards, loans, and insurance, we have products that can help you achieve your short-term and long-term financial goals.
Found this article helpful? Share it with your friends.
